Rudderless

In the struggle between Destiny and Chaos

Where do I fall?

Is my path so far from the highways of the great

That my footsteps will never forge the way for millions

No matter how hard I try?

Such hubris

If my fate is to lead

And every tick of the clock is planned

Then I shall fall into it

Despite whatever failures I incur

And yet

So many decision lie before me

And small decisions have led to huge events

How many times I have mapped out the past

And followed back my turnings to one

Seemingly insignificant

Randomly made

Utterly carefree

Choice

And counted myself either incredibly lucky

Or unimaginably dull-witted

What hour would have brought that flash

Of monumental inspiration

Had I not been whiling away the time

With vapid observation of distractions

Will I be strong enough

Fast enough

Hearty enough

Smart enough

To overcome the obstacles or enemies ahead

Or will I have wasted my body and mind away

With neglect and abuse

Who cares?

Some might say

Why worry so much?

Take life as it comes

Perhaps I just never learned the difference

Between rest and sloth

I eat away at my dreamtime

With whatever activity I can

For how can I sleep with so much to do?

And so little time before I die?

Or do I fear my dreams

And though I yearn for the highs

To fly like an eagle

Or run as a wolf

To act out my desires without consequence

Love the women I want without the worries

I hide from the hobgoblins

Fear the falls

Shiver from the roars of faceless beasts

And feel the stark

Unrelenting

Instinctual

Terror

That seems only to appear when my eyes are closed