Memories

The flicker of images in my mind's eye
Times and lives now past
People with whom I once spent my days
Friends with whom I shared laughs and tears
Loves I laid with, held close, cherished
Gone
Childhood exists as only momentous flashes
Photographs exhibit scenes which are lost to my mind
What remains is only
A shoelace tangled in a bike chain
Burned fingers on an extinguished sparkler
An unexpected burial in the garden for the tripod cat
Why is it the unhappy memories linger longest?
Why can I not envision the full bellies
The ample dinners, the safety of my mother's arms,
As well as I can summon the memory of how
I hid my face behind my Gameboy as my grandmother lay
Dying
Unable to comfort her and bring her the joy of my company
That she always cherished when she was healthy and smiling

And yet the unhappy memories encapsulate a time that I wish for
Now in the dawning of my adulthood
Such things seem surmountable when compared to
Underemployment, which lacks the freedom of either extreme
Too busy to find a job that pays to live and play and feel secure
Too poor to enjoy all the time I have or supply the energy to fill it
Romance, now that innocence is gone and I hold the hearts of others
In my hands, unable to take pleasure in passing flirtations of the flesh
When I have tasted the ecstasy of love and pure unbridled connection
Civics, being beholden to the needs of the nation, of the people
Getting only what is given in return, the cost frequently too dear
Be it in time, or passion, or wealth, when the rich hold all the cards
Purpose, not knowing what I should do, or could do, or would do
Given enough resources, enough support, enough freedom, and yet feeling
I've had all those, and too much, letting them be squandered in indecision

Perhaps those memories I think of the most of those of the future
Or rather the times in the past in which I have likewise been so fixated on it
The uncertainty, the possibilities, the pathways contemplated and discarded
The times I felt as hopeless and lost, and found my way back out from the dark
It seems impossible that I might forever banish the fear of the future
But what keeps it from consuming me whole is the knowledge that
I have been afraid and whimpered in the dark, unwilling to face the day
I have been hopeless and felt close to total surrender
But I have found my way out of the dark and into light
I have overcome those obstacles
Untangled myself from my heavy bike and gone home
Run my fingers in cold water and dried my tears
Dealt with losses small and great to move forward
And while I accept the human condition of uncertainty
And subservience to circumstance and luck
I know that within me lies the ability to persevere
And bring about the shining visions of the future
That serve as a beacon in the night
Breathe deep
Seek peace
Push on


-D.M.D.M. 7-27-2009

Morningstar

I grow weary from awaiting the dawn

That will bring the one who steps up slowly,

Smiling slyly, and disarms me with one

Glance. My weapons gone, she strips me bit by

Bit, of shield and plate and chain, to let them

Fall away, so I may take her hand and

Gambol unencumbered. She would laugh as,

With adroit finesse, she flicks away my

Veils and costumes, smoothes the furrows from my

Brow, and presses t’wards tranquil repose.

I, bereft of that which has defined me,

Reach for this bewitching vision as a

Drowning man will blindly grab for fundament

Curling from my grasp, she dares with sparkling

Eyes, enticing my desire with her

Sinuous grace and serpentine curves.

Now I move with firm intent, and still she

Spins away. We flow into the chase, my

Fingers brushing at her trailing hair and

Fluttering scarves, always just behind her.

Bellowing ecstatically, I pounce. She

Glances back, confused, and then surprised with

Just a hint of trepidation. In that

Moment we collide so comfortably,

Kissing, coupling, just as bubbles meet and

Move as one. We resonate in harmony,

Intention, preconception, future

Gone: we live in present, and with presents,

And with presence, ‘til we spark, and she receives

Me as the stretching leaves embrace the sun.

-D.M.D.M. 5-5-2009

To Persephone

The season brings such great delight to me

She calls my soul to joys left sleeping long

Since Autumn’s quiet reign began. My love

Had passed to other ‘spheres, to shine her touch,

Her smooth caress, upon those in her care.

For too far long had I waited on the

Asexual red Fall, in its rumpled

Flannel plaid and pumpkin-grooved face. My heart

Has been too long encaged by frigid hands

Of the hard-eyed old miser coot in chill

And stark white plains of Winter-wool brought down

Upon the land. Virgin young Spring has come

All draped in flowered silk and patterned shawl

To smile and chuckle in polite amusement.

But when the sun goes down, her cold untouched

March shoulder turns on me and pimples with

Small geese my skin. My lady she is not.

My Summer-time girl has strawberry blonde

Long waist-length hair. Her skin is fair to tan,

Depending on how long she’s stayed. Her touch,

Like hot oil on my skin, flows, pushing beads

Of sweat so gently from my body, yes.

Her laugh does grab my hair and tousle it.

Her perfumes range from sea-salt spray to cut

Grass, funnel cake and boardwalk tar, fresh rain

In sunlight, asphalt wet and hot. Her eyes

Hold glist’ning rays of late-night sunsets on

Soft, gentle waves. She runs across green fields

And white sands, leaping from cotton ball to

White cloud in clear blue skies. The cold enrapture

Of chlorinated water or the slick

And prickly sea is her embrace. Her lips

Taste like iced lemonade and cotton candy,

Her breath contains a lingering hint of

Overly salted french fries, chocolate

Sauce on vanilla soft-serve, poolside pizza.

And when she dons her coal black gown and sneaks

Along the sky, horizon to horizon,

I can stay for such lengthy hours just

To let her voice run riv’lets down my face

Cascade over my body, ring true all

Through out the streets. I’ll jump as her soft hands

Just clap together and her rough, bare feet

Rumble away across the night, the wind

So fiercely pulling me into her raindance.

When fin’ly it’s time to sleep, we’ll retire

To the warm bedroom where we will lie nude,

And I will let her smooth skin heat my bare

Flesh as she lies atop me. And the gentle

Swells of my love’s soft, pillowy breasts will

Be where I rest my head and dream all night.

-D.M.D.M. 4-27-06